(what if) the pain went away?
and what if
what if
the pain went way
for more than a moment
for more than a day
really
what if
the pain went away
completely
in total
purged
what i let them steal (from me)
a poem about discovery and recovery from anorexia and ballet and me
writing through pain
8230 8230 8230 8230 8230 8230 8230 for all those who have EVER been there with me 8230
being the me that is (me)
there are times
when i don 8217 t want to be
the me that is me
no
i don 8217 t
model (pretty)
TRIGGER WARNING
true
i hide
i live inside
my hall of mirrors
my inner
my hall of shame
why do i cry?
why do i cry
when you say
something nice
why
why
do
i
cry
8230 when you
touch
softly
my face
thousands of miles (away)
A poem for Irina Selena Irana who passed away far far before her time
i don’t remember
this poem is NOT about 8220 what happened 8221
it 8217 s about my struggle with 8220 remembering 8221 it took years and years to remember as much as i know now but
a moment (to breathe)
and in these moments
of ever so quiet panic
and
anxiety ridden
pulmonary drama
i seek
just a sparing breath
yes
just a breath
a moment
please
a moment (of strength)
8230 there are these moments
these little tiny moments
when again my strength is tested
when again my resolve is forcibly entrusted
with ever greater need
to rise above and beyond what I believe I can exceed
this girl (i know)
there is this girl i know
she is quite beautiful
delicate
radiant
high cheekbones
chiseled in stone
fair skin
aglow
would you love (me)?
would you love me
if i smelled
would you love me
if i starved
would you love me
if i picked and plucked and cut and hurt myself
we are more
we are more
than
the size of our frames
we are more
than the letters the digits
the numbers
behind each of our names