may 3, 2012 5:21 a.m.
do i
cut my hair?
or
do i
pull it out?
do i
dye my dirty blonde
triple-process platinum?
or
do i
streak it
party purple
lemon yellow
shocking pink
or
a horrifying shade
of super neon green?
do i
pluck
or
wax
or
electrolysize?
there?
or
there?
or
there?
should i shave it?
or
do i
simply
tame it?
part of me
doesn’t even care
do you?
don’t you?
if you don’t
why should i?
“right?”
huh?
you’ve got me
screaming
and
scratching
and
cutting
…
luckily
just the surface
and
even more luckily
you know i won’t even ask
“do i
puke?”
“no.”
“i won’t”
“i promise”
“i hate to vomit even more than i hate to eat triple-fried, chocolate-sprinkled funnel cake…”
“i do.”
so, do i stick around
to watch every little meltdown?
or
do i
starve
while you carve
every shard of life
from my heart
from my soul
from what used to be
my goals?
from the me you used to know
do i?
don’t i?
why?
“breathe”
i exclaim
“breathe”
i pause
“do i
cut
my
hair
or
do i
simply
walk
away?”
i don’t know
© 2012 by ariana sexton-hughes, all rights reserved