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may 3, 2012 5:21 a.m.

 

do i

cut my hair?

or

do i

pull it out?

do i

dye my dirty blonde

triple-process platinum?

or

do i

streak it

party purple

lemon yellow

shocking pink

or 

a horrifying shade

of super neon green?

do i

pluck

or

wax

or

electrolysize?

there?

or

there?

or

there?

should i shave it?

or

do i

simply

tame it?

part of me

doesn’t even care

do you?

don’t you?

if you don’t

why should i?

“right?”

huh?

you’ve got me

screaming

and 

scratching

and

cutting

luckily

just the surface

and

even more luckily

you know i won’t even ask

“do i 

puke?”

“no.”

“i won’t”

“i promise”

“i hate to vomit even more than i hate to eat triple-fried, chocolate-sprinkled funnel cake…”

“i do.”

so, do i stick around

to watch every little meltdown?

or

do i

starve

while you carve

every shard of life

from my heart

from my soul

from what used to be

my goals?

from the me you used to know

do i?

don’t i?

why?

“breathe”

i exclaim

“breathe”

i pause

“do i

cut

my 

hair

or

do i

simply

walk

away?”

i don’t know

© 2012 by ariana sexton-hughes, all rights reserved

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