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june 16, 2009 – 3:39 am

 

“it’s chemical.”

i re-

mind

my 

self.

“it’s chemical,”

so they say.

genetic

frenetic

kinetic

pathetic

i

scream

in 

pain,

“yes….

physical

emotional

spiritual?”

“no way.”

i nod.

“it’s chemical,

so they say.

too much

of this

not enough

of that…

mismatched molecules

morbidly maladjusted

compounded by

endless

traumatic

stress….

unfortunately focused….

at

those critical moments

of preadolescent 

development

critical moments

of

love

lost

comfort

denied

hope unfound

anger unbound.

it’s chemical

so

they say

the psychobiology

of manic

depression

the neuropathology

of self-centered hatred

betrayed

it’s chemical

so they say

i can

pretend

that

none

of it 

is real

i can

pretend

that

none of it

needs to feel

i can

pretend

not

to feel

the hurt

ha

it’s chemical?

so

they

say

but

that

doesn’t stop

the hurt

i feel

the endless 

roller coaster

the

racing

the craving

the longing

to learn

the longing 

to love

the longing

to feel

comfort

(lost in childhood)

comfort

(lost  to ra*pe)

comfort

(lost forever)

it’s chemical 

they

say

that’s nice

but i still

feel

this 

way

it’s chemical

i don’t want

it 

to be this way

i’m done

i wish

 

© 2009-2021 by ariana sexton-hughes

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