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and in these moments

of ever so quiet panic

and

anxiety-ridden

pulmonary drama

i seek

just a sparing breath

yes

just a breath

a moment

please

yes?

a mini-moment of calm

and cool

and quiet comfort

and control

and ease of mind

a moment

to

breathe

please

a moment to see

a moment to be

alive

a moment

a mini-moment

to love

to thrive

to become

ever stronger

ever more

in love

with

life

“no?”

is this not possible?

is this not permissible?

is this not

my right?

to feel something greater?

to feel something stronger?

to feel something akin

to light?

i cry

and

cry

and

cry

and

CRY.

it is in these little moments

these mini-moments

of loss

and

pain

and

utterly unending shame

that

i must

i MUST

lay claim

to something so much greater

than all of the above

that which rots away my soul

and

i MUST find the strength to climb

ever higher

ever stronger

ever more self-reliant

yes

yes

yes

it is in these moments

of ever so quiet panic

and

anxiety-ridden

pulmonary drama

that i must recoil from all that ails me

and bow my head between my legs

not in humiliation

or shame

or pain

or resignation

but, superstrength

and resolution

to do all that i can

to simply

let go

and

breathe

yes!

“breathe.”

and….

most of all….

SURVIVE.

 

 

august 19, 2012 1:08 pm

© 2012 by ariana sexton-hughes
noto bene:

recited by the self identified extraterrestrial homosapien the day before electro-convulsive therapy in hospital. Sunday 18th of November 2012.
her brilliance shines through every frame.
with love,
ariana

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