you didn’t know
you didn’t know
what i felt
when that moment passed away
you didn’t know
what i felt
when you kissed
that last lonely tear
the one that went astray
you didn’t know
what i felt
when you lingered
just
(what if) the pain went away?
and, what if…
what if,
the pain went way?
for more than a moment?
for more than a day?
really.
what if,
the pain went away?
completely,
in total,
…purged from my being?
what i let them steal (from me)
a poem about discovery and recovery from anorexia and ballet and me
being the me that is (me)
there are times
when i don’t want to be
the me that is me
no
i don’t
model (pretty)
TRIGGER WARNING
true
i hide
i live inside
my hall of mirrors
my inner
my hall of shame
why do i cry?
why do i cry
when you say
something nice?
why?
why
do
i
cry
…when you
touch
softly
my face?
thousands of miles (away)
A poem for Irina Selena Irana, who passed away, far, far before her time.
i don’t remember
this poem is NOT about “what happened.”
it’s about my struggle with “remembering.” it took years and years to remember as much as i know now. but, in “remembering,” and focusing on healing, i am slowing letting go.
<!--
a moment (to breathe)
and in these moments
of ever so quiet panic
and
anxiety-ridden
pulmonary drama
i seek
just a sparing breath
yes
just a breath
a moment
please
a moment (of strength)
…there are these moments
these little, tiny moments
when, again my strength is tested
when, again my resolve is forcibly entrusted
with ever greater need
to rise above and beyond what I believe I can exceed.
this girl (i know)
there is this girl i know
she is quite beautiful
delicate
radiant
high cheekbones
chiseled in stone
fair skin
aglow
would you love (me)?
would you love me
if i smelled?
would you love me
if i starved?
would you love me
if i picked and plucked and cut and hurt myself