Test
you didn’t know
(what if) the pain went away?
selfish (?)
what i let them steal (from me)
the ghost ship
writing through pain
june 8, 2009 – 6:27 am you didn't know Uploaded via Blackberry® Mobile WARNING: This poem may be triggering if you have issues with men, abuse, and/or family. you didn’t knowwhat i feltwhen that moment passed awayyou didn’t knowwhat i feltwhen you kissedthat last lonely tearthe one that went astray you didn’t knowwhat i feltwhen you lingeredjusta littletoo longwhen yourfingerscame
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and, what if…what if,the pain went way?for more than a moment?for more than a day?really.what if,the pain went away?completely,in total,…purged from my being? would i dance?would i fly?would i write ‘til i cry?would i hold a friend close?would i do more than boast?would i flirt with another?would i cuddle?or, purrrrr?would i… perhaps… take a lover?or…even… another? or…would
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wednesday, august 5, 2009 at 10:44pm i live in pain alone afraid i live in shame alone afraid i live in blame alone afraid i live insane alone afraid i live contained alone afraid insane (“breathe?”) i ask (“breathe.”) i say (“breathe.”) i cry (“breathe!”) i scream my friend is sick and nothing matters my work is empty my heart is heavy my soul is cracking (under the strain of an ugly selfish feeling that i no longer deserve the right the right to feel my pain) selfish? yes “yes.” seriously, how can i allow my self to feel anything anything at all positive negative angry unwanted unloved unfortunate misdirected ill-conceived happy sexy hopeful joyful playful faithful freaky flirty friendly flowery festive restive empowered entranced glorious glamorous gregarious gracious grandiose glimmery shimmery shameless blameless bankable breathless feckless fabulous or even f*cked when my friend feels so much fear so much discomfort so much distress so much sadness so much agony so much PAIN? why? how? why? i must
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what i let them steal (from me) wednesday, december 24, 2008 at 3:45am to my diary (on facebook) someone asked: “when did you and 'ana' first hook-up?” i paused. (chest tightened) breathe. i thought about childhood (inhaler) the illusion of control the vain attempts to break my mother (an ana out of control) i drifted. flashbacks. breathe. moments. moments long ago. was it ballet? was it me? was it mom? was it he? the him that
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