june 16, 2009 – 3:39 am
“it’s chemical.”
i re-
mind
my
self.
“it’s chemical,”
so they say.
genetic
frenetic
kinetic
pathetic
i
scream
in
pain,
“yes….
physical
emotional
spiritual?”
“no way.”
i nod.
“it’s chemical,
so they say.
too much
of this
not enough
of that…
mismatched molecules
morbidly maladjusted
compounded by
endless
traumatic
stress….
unfortunately focused….
at
those critical moments
of preadolescent
development
critical moments
of
love
lost
comfort
denied
hope unfound
anger unbound.
it’s chemical
so
they say
the psychobiology
of manic
depression
the neuropathology
of self-centered hatred
betrayed
it’s chemical
so they say
i can
pretend
that
none
of it
is real
i can
pretend
that
none of it
needs to feel
i can
pretend
not
to feel
the hurt
ha
it’s chemical?
so
they
say
but
that
doesn’t stop
the hurt
i feel
the endless
roller coaster
the
racing
the craving
the longing
to learn
the longing
to love
the longing
to feel
comfort
(lost in childhood)
comfort
(lost to ra*pe)
comfort
(lost forever)
it’s chemical
they
say
that’s nice
but i still
feel
this
way
it’s chemical
i don’t want
it
to be this way
i’m done
i wish
© 2009-2021 by ariana sexton-hughes